


Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.

by Rogue1987



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Emotional, Family Fluff, Heavy Angst, Homesickness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunions, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven muses over the upcoming charity game at Anfield. </p><p>It will be the day that he will finally play alongside Xabi again.<br/>He can't even express in words how much he has missed that. </p><p>And Xabi himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Gerlonso fic, so please be gentle on me. 
> 
> I will probably write another chapter of this when the game of the 29th has been played. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it!!

Liverpool, march 13th, 2015.

 

 _'I'm coming home, I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home. Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday,'_ blared out of Steven's iPod and he's not even realizing he's singing the song along out loud.

Steven loves this song, always has and always will.  
Everything about the song reminds him of Xabi, specially now that he's truly coming _'home'_ to him soon for the charity match.

Steven had played with many amazing players and had made so many true friends on the pitch, but the one departure he had never recovered from was Xabi leaving them to go to Real Madrid.

Steven had been utterly heartbroken for months, years and some said he was still not over it now.  
Those voices were probably right, he figured and he groaned deep and turned his iPod off and stared outside of his window.

He was at home, lying on the giant sofa near the window in the spare bedroom and the moon was just creeping over the river next to his house and he sighed deep. 

The moon always made him feel a bit better, a bit closer to Xabi for some reason.

Just the very idea that both of them were probably looking at her right now made him feel less alone. 

Why wasn't it the 29th yet?

How could they possibly expect him to wait for another two weeks before he saw Xabi again?

Steven had always known that he and Xabi had a _connection_ he couldn't explain.

They shared an intense bond that made everyone around them raise eyebrows and ask themselves if there was something more going on between the two men instead of just friendship.

People in the media joked around about them, girls wrote stories on them and they even got a _'ship'_ name: Gerlonso.

Steven usually just snickered when he heard that but sometimes he found himself blushing a bit when people mentioned it, causing even more eyebrows to be raised at that gesture.

The problem was that Steven had always known that he was in love with Xabi, hell he had known that from the first time he shook his hand.

He _also knew_ that the feeling was mutual but out of respect to their wives neither one of them had ever acted on their feelings.

Well except for that one small kiss ( in public for god's sake ) they had shared after winning the Champions league final in Istanbul, almost a decade ago.

But aside from that there had never been any form of infidelity and Steven was extremely proud of himself for that fact.

Just being around Xabi had been torture sometimes, for it felt so right when he was so close to him.

When he embraced him the entire world seemed to make sense suddenly and there were so many times that Steven actually knew where Xabi was without even looking.

He could literally _feel_ his soul stretching his hand out to him.  
It was so hard to be around someone who held the key to your heart and not being able to do _anything_ about that.

Steven couldn't even count the amount of times that he had to actually force himself to go home because he was so afraid of what he might do if he stuck around Xabi.

The connection between them was like a magnetic pull and Steven got really tired of fighting it everyday.

But still he pulled trough it without having an affair.

Although Alex loved to remind him of the fact that he was having an _emotional_ affair, they always sorted it out and stayed together for their daughters sakes.

It was strange that he and Xabi had never spoken openly about how they felt, specially because the whole world seemed to know about their hidden feelings but somehow it had just never came up.

Maybe because they didn't need to confirm it out loud, both men knew very well how the other one was feeling.

The only one who Steven had ever confessed his feelings to openly was Carra, but then again: he had already known about them.

He had advised Steven to keep his feelings hidden until he and Xabi were both retired before they ever acted on it and Steven reluctantly followed his advice.  
But it was hard on him, not being able to see Xabi everyday hurt him like a knife trough his heart.

After a while though he had gotten a present.  
Alberto Moreno joined Liverpool fresh out of Sevilla and he instantly reminded Steven of Xabi.

He had the same bushy red beard, but also Xabi's facial features and Steven loved being around him.  
Xabi once argued that Alberto looked much more like Steven than he did like himself but Steven disagreed and they argued about it for hours, just like old times.

Xabi had always loved to argue with Steven until his ears bled and Steven hated to admit that he had missed that.  
That Alberto looked like both of them didn't go unnoticed by the press and the fans.

In a short amount of time he had been baptized as: Gerlonso love child and people joked about how he was their child. Alberto didn't seem to mind all the attention about the subject, he just smiled at the stories and let them go. 

Xabi had also never stopped laughing when he saw those messages but Steven felt an envious pain gnawing at his heart.

 _''Daddy?''_ Lourdes chirped from the doorway and Steven turned his head to her and smiled.  
''Hey love,''

''Are you sad again?'' she asked, climbing on top of his lap, wrapping her pale arms around her father.

''No I'm fine darling, why do you say that?''

''Because you looked sad,'' Lourdes blurted out, pressing a small peck to her father's stubbly cheek.  
''Ew you need a shave,'' she pointed out and Steven chuckled.

''No I like having a small beard, but I'm not sad sweetheart, just a bit tired,''  
''Did you pick your team for the match?'' she asked, always the child who was most curious about everything that her father did in his career and Steven nodded.

''I did,''

''Is uncle Xabi coming? Did you pick him for your team? You didn't let uncle Carra snatch him from you did you?'' Lourdes babbled and Steven wondered which question he should answer first.

''Yes uncle Xab _is_ coming, and _no_ I didn't let uncle Carra steal him from my team. He was the first one I picked actually, we are going to play together on the midfield again,'' he said, smiling like a teenager in love at the prospect.

Lourdes clapped her hands enthusiastic and shrieked loud.

 **''YAY!!!** Can I wear my jersey to the match?''

''Which one? You have too many of them,'' Steven noted and Lourdes thought on it long and hard, twirling a string of her blond hair around her fingers.

''I think I'll pick uncle Xabi's Liverpool outfit, I mean that's our favorite one isn't it?'' she said happily and Steven couldn't even express in words how much he agreed to that sentence.

Lourdes had always collected all of Xabi's shirts, she had a Liverpool one, a Spanish national team shirt, one from Real, one from Bayern and demanded that Steven bought her the same caps Xabi wore along with matching sunglasses.

Lourdes never actually knew Xabi very well when he was still living so close to their house because she was only three years old when Xabi had left, but seeing how close their families were and how much time they spend together it didn't take long for her to grow too attached to her favorite uncle.

It felt good to Steven, to be able to share his house with someone who missed Xabi as much as he did and he loved chatting with her about his old memories.

''Daddy? You look sad again, you always do when we talk about uncle Xabi,'' Lourdes pointed out and Steven swallowed hard to avoid bursting out into tears.

Lourdes wasn't a little girl anymore, she was almost ten years old now and was very intuitive about people's feelings.  
He kissed her forehead gentle and sighed.

''I'm fine Lou, don't worry,''

''No you're not, here let me help you,'' she chipped as she snatched the phone from his lap, ran to the other side of the room and dialed Xabi's number.

''What are you doing?!'' Steven hissed, a hint of amusement in his voice.  
''Calling uncle Xabi, what else would I be doing?'' she said as if that had been obvious.

''Lou don't do that!!'' he hissed but he knew he was too late. Xabi always replied his calls in the first two beeps.

''Hey uncle Xabs, it's me,'' Lourdes yelled happily and Steven sighed deep.  
''Yes I'm fine, but daddy is feeling a bit sad today, maybe you can talk to him a bit?''

Steven bit on his lip to prevent himself from either crying or laughing, he wasn't quite sure what he was feeling at the moment. He cursed and loved his daughter's sharp instincts. 

All he knew was that he was aching to speak to Xabi again, to hear that warm voice whispering his ear.

It send an excited shiver over his spine as Lourdes walked toward him with the phone in her hands.

''Okay bye uncle Xabs, see you in two weeks! We can't wait! You are bringing Jon aren't you?'' she asked, always only interested in Xabi's son Jon. She had never cared much for the girls.

Lourdes was a true tomboy who hated the fact that she didn't have brothers herself.

''Great, see you then!! _Kisses!!''_ Lourdes squeaked as she blew a kiss into the phone and handed it to her dad before storming of to her own room.  
Steven took a deep breath before saying anything to Xabi.

''Hey Xab,'' he said and he couldn't hide the deep smile that he knew was audible in his voice.

''Hola Stevie, que paso?'' he asked concerned and Steven gnawed on his lower lip again.

''Nothing, I was just feeling a bit blue today that's all,''  
_''Lying,''_ Xabi mumbled and Steven heard him take a gulp of his drink.

''Are you drinking again?'' he hissed and Xabi snorted.  
''Just a glass of wine _darling_ , don't sweat it,'' he joked casually, but Steven knew enough.

Xabi had drank a lot more then one glass of wine, otherwise he wouldn't have called him darling.  
He only called Stevie pet names when he was slightly tipsy.

''So what's wrong? And don't you dare say nothing cause I can tell you're full of shit,'' Xabi asked tentative and Steven sighed again.  
''I made my line up for the charity match,'' he explained and Xabi huffed soft.

''Oh really, and who did you pick?''  
''Well you for starters, I couldn't let Carra steal you away from my team,''

''Aw I'm flattered,'' Xabi teased but Steven knew he was just trying to be a jerk.  
Xabi always got a tad cocky and arrogant after a few glasses of wine.

''Don't be, there was no chance in hell that Carra was going to pick you anyway, he would never do that,'' Steven assured him but he knew that came out all kinds of wrong.

''Yes of course, even good old Carra knows that I'm the _sole property_ of Stevie G doesn't he?'' Xabi bit out and Steven sighed again.

''Look I'm sorry okay, I didn't mean it like that and you know it,''

''Yeah but I just love to tease you,''  
''You're such a bitch Xab,''

 _''I love you too asshole,''_ Xabi chuckled and Steven felt his cheeks heat up.  
''So are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to drag it out of you again?'' Xabi continued before Steven could say he loved him back.

''I just felt so gutted making that line up you know.

It just made me realize that you aren't here anymore and it just brought all of that loneliness back I guess.  
I don't think I've realized how much I've missed you until you are running along side me again on the 29th.

I think on that moment I will fully understand how much I _need_ you by my side again.  
And I'm afraid of that game because I think that when I do finally get you back again and enjoy that rush of playing together for one night, I have to say goodbye to you all over again at the end of it and go on without you just like I have for the past few years.

I'm just not sure of how much more of this I can handle Xabs, I just hate being away from you.  
Not having that secure feeling of you running at my side, knowing every more before I even do.

Do you know what it's like to actually need someone?'' he asked, wiping a lonely tear of his cheek and feeling a bit lighter now that he had confessed to the darkest circles of his pathetic little heart.

''Yes I know what that's like because you know as well as me that I feel all of that too Stevie. And I know it's going to be hard but we just have to try to stay positive and look on the bright side: at least we'll play together again, if even for a moment.

Nobody can steal that moment away from us okay? _I won't let them!_  
You know, sometimes I feel that memories are all I have left and it hurts to think about you sometimes.

But it also makes me happy, because being around you made me so whole and happy and-I'm babbling again aren't I?'' Xabi snorted, pausing his ramble and Steven grinned.

''Only a little bit, but I don't mind hearing you say all those nice words you know,''

''Yeah I figured that, but seriously Stevie: it's going to be okay. Just enjoy the moment and cherish the memories afterward. Before you move away to the States,'' Xabi sighed and Steven felt suffocated by an iron fist suddenly.

The very thought of leaving Liverpool behind for America still made his stomach flip with misery and he still felt tears in his eyes every time he thought about going away.

Leaving England behind, his family, Xabi and his friends, the thought was horrifying and Steven sometimes wondered if it wasn't a better plan to just retire from football all together.

''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I'm just hurt that you're leaving,'' Xabi offered and Steven snorted loud.

''Well now you know what that feels like when _you_ get left behind,'' he bit back and now it was Xabi's turn to fall silent.

''I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry Xabs. It's just: we're a fucking mess aren't we?''

''Yes we are, because somethings never change with us Stevie. What will also never change is that I love you,'' Xabi said, warmth and love radiating from his voice and Steven let out two tears again, clutching his hand at his aching heart.

_''I love you too Xabs, I gotta go now okay. Talk soon,''_

''All right, and don't hurt yourself before the 29th okay! I'm going to murder you if we don't get to play together after I've spend weeks looking forward to it!''

''Well likewise silly,''  
''Okay take care of yourself and kiss Lou-Lou for me okay,'' Xabi demanded and Steven smiled faint.

''I will, bye love,''  
''Bye Stevie,''

Steven hung up his phone and buried his face in his hands and started crying.  
He didn't stop until Lourdes came back into the room and curled up next to him, placing her head on his shoulder and her little arms around him tight.

She didn't say a word, nor did Steven but they fell asleep cuddled up on the sofa like that.  
For once Steven didn't wake up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep because he felt so empty.

For once he was at peace.  
The wind was going to carry Xabi home.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! <3


End file.
